It is true that even the best of us do a bit of self-sabotaging in our lives and relationships. Most everyone, including myself say that having a healthy, loving relationship is high on our list of priorities. Yet, it seems that so few of us have a meaningful relationship, at least one that lasts.
The issue for me has not been a lack of men, in my not so humble opinion it's been a lack of quality men. For most women and myself I know have a long list of "must have" qualities we look for in a partner. The question is, does such a partner exist? Will there always be something we have to "accept" about our significant other?
In this day and age, have we all been so spoiled by our independence that our acceptance of others has fallen by the wayside? Perhaps. I often wonder if we set our expectations of others so high so we know no one will ever be able to reach them therefore we will never have to "give up" our independence. Do we self sabotage our relationships so we don't have to sacrifice anything?
For instance, I dated a guy last year who was relentless on the issue of me giving him a key to my house. From my standpoint, we hadn't been dating long enough for me to give him a key. I don't know that I want someone in my space all the time or especially when I'm not home, at least not until I'm married. So my question to him was "When will you ever be here when I'm not here? So why do you need a key?" To him, I guess it was a security thing for him to "know" that I was fully committed. Which I was at the time, but I didn't understand the whole key thing. After all, I wasn't asking him for a key to his house. It literally became a huge issue for our relationship. Now, if I had just given in and given him a key would it have solved our problem or added to it? I have to admit, that while I was in this situation I felt as though no matter what I did to please him it would never be enough, we would always have issues about something. Is this just a subconscious little voice in my head that leads me towards relationship sabotage?
Usually, during the first couple months both people are on their best behavior. Instead of something irritating you it's cute. After a couple months it's completely opposite. How can something that once turned you on becomes something that makes your skin crawl just a couple months later? Is this too, relationship sabotage? When you're in a relationship at what point do you know that you should compromise for the better of the relationship when you really feel strongly about something? For me, at the point of the key conversation we had only been dating a couple months and I felt strongly about the fact that it's my house, I pay my bills. I do this because it assures me that I don't have to answer to anyone but me. I am afraid of giving up that power, even if it means giving up a relationship. Yet, if you were to ask me to write down my top 10 goals for the next 5 years I would have marriage and kids on the list and they would most likely be closer to the top of the list than the bottom. I talk to my girlfriends or guy friends and many of them have had similar stories. How far should we go to salvage a relationship or when it's right does it just work and not feel like you're giving up so much? Until next time...
Jamie Frontz- Model