Here is my living room couch diagnosis of Angelina Jolie. She craves love, which she never truly had as a child, so she hoards children. I’m sure she loves them – they can’t let her down. Their love is unconditional. I think she could take or leave Brad Pitt. He’s sort of just a stand-in at this point. I mean, what does he bring to the table? Have you seen his Chanel ads? I think that’s him. An imaginary conversation with him would be sprinkled with “hey, mans” or “the universe is an exploration of our experiences of our unit.” He just doesn’t seem like he brings much to the conversation. Like the entire time you are trying to discuss Syria or immigration reform he is studying his pores in the mirror behind you.
But back to their kids. I have read various stories that have said it is their dream to have 12 children. I get it. They’ve got the money and resources to provide those kids with a nice life. But, really, do they get much attention, even with a paid nanny per child? A couple of those kids are bound to get lost. Where’s Arrox? Anyone seen Habanx?
The worst part is that with that many kids, no rules, and access to anything they want these kids are bound to become barbarians. I mean their mother does buy them knife sets as Christmas gifts. They play with rifles.
Us Weekly says that when Brad and Angelina are in town with their kids they take them to a local pizza place. “The place shuts down for the entire night and the kids raise a ruckus,” says the insider. “They jump on tables and even throw food at each other!”
Imagine getting invited to meet them out for dinner? How do you gently say that while you think they are terrific as a couple that you kind of hate their kids? “Gee, um, I’d love to meet you guys for pizza, but, and this is no slight to you guys, but we like to sit on chairs and use utensils. We just try to teach our kids that you should respect other people by not screaming in their face when they are trying to enjoy a root beer. Or that ladies and gentlemen sit with their feet on the floor in public. You don’t throw things at the wall or threaten the wait staff. Again, you guys are great. Your children are…delightful. But, you know, we just have to pass this time. Thanks, though.”
And they would never get the point.
Kate Casey is a Pop Culture Lover. PR Pro. New mom. Comedy nerd. Celebrity gossip fan. Follow her on Twitter @KateCasey