Congratulations to you and your lovely new bride. I was so sorry to have missed the festivities this weekend. I am assuming there was some slip-up in your management office because according to my mail staff an invitation was never received. Did you send it to my home in Beverly Hills or to the spaceship? Surely you would not have forgotten about me? A celebrity wedding is incredibly special, which is why I expected to be included. As you know, there is an unwritten rule in show business that you should always invite fellow movie stars even if you have absolutely no personal relationship. It's good for promotion and gives us all a chance to compliment each other on our multiples homes, award nominations, and new sets of veneers. Why do you think I invited Jenny McCarthy to my last wedding? You think I know anything about Jennifer Lopez? You don't possibly think I am actually friends with Brooke Shields? I barely knew my own bride. I would have enjoyed Venice. Do you know who loves ravioli? This guy. Who doesn't love cannolis? Hell, I could have driven you around in my own speedboat. Point is I am a little disappointed. In fact I just had the same conversation with Julia Roberts. She can't figure it out either. But I guess it is your loss. We all know I am a great gift giver. You know what you won't be getting now? A library of Scientology manuals. You think Matt Damon or John Krasinski can get you a motion quadrant that will spin you like a gyroscope to improve your perception of compass direction? You think Brad and Angelina can score you a tool that can detect your magnetic sense? They can't, George. They can't.