Here’s what you need to know about Mariah Carey. She is an incredible talent, but she’s also looney tunes. She only allows one side of her face to be photographed. She will make talk show hosts rearrange their furniture to accommodate this need. Despite her age wears butterfly jewelry and pigtails. She wears sunglasses indoors. She has someone always on call to help her walk. She refuses to believe she wears anything above a size 4 instead jamming her body into ill-fitted clothes. She refers to her twins as “dem babies” and needs you to know that she is the only woman who has ever given birth. In her most recent New York radio interview she discussed her hands on approach to parenting. “Unfortunately I have to have nannies but I’m very hands on. I go through nannies like this [snaps fingers] and I hate to do that but I have to, because if they try to make themselves more important in the baby’s mind than me… [makes cutting motion over throat]. I just brought a girl back home with me from Puerto Rico and she’s here.” This was after she threw her husband under the bus. Nick, he has fun with dem babies when they’re fun. And then when it’s like they’re interfering with other things, they go to the crib, and that’s fine.
So in the latest installment of my imaginary text conversations with celebrities, here is a chat with Mariah.
Mariah: The Puerto Rican girl needs to go.
Mariah: Dem babies just told me she was singing songs to them. Uh, no. That will not be happening.
Me: She can’t sing to the kids?
Mariah: She needs to stand there while they play. Make sure they stay alive.
Me: So no real interaction?
Mariah: Hell no.
Me: That shouldn’t be damaging.
Mariah: Can anyone congratulate me for growing two babies in me? Hello.
Me: Sure. Side note. I grew 3 kids in my lady cavity too.
Mariah: Not at the same time.
Me: I also didn’t have an entire wing of the hospital closed down to pull them out.
Mariah: And then I needed to get this body back.
Mariah: Workouts, diet
Me: You mean the lipo vacuum? The tummy tuck?
Mariah: Dahling, I had to. Things were not right.
Me: Can’t you get Nick to help?
Mariah: Don’t know where he is.
Me: Can’t you find out?
Mariah: I’m asking the staff.
Me: Where are you?
Mariah: Getting a body wrap. Just got laser treatments.
Me: Does that really work?
Mariah: It better. Jenny Craig commercial next week.
Mariah: Gotta go. Someone’s here to rub on my body glitter.
* Kate Casey is a Pop Culture Lover. PR Pro. Soon-to-be New mom again. Comedy nerd. Celebrity gossip fan. Follow her on Twitter @KateCasey
Holy balls, it's crazy if you think you can put a bunch of over paid divas on a singing competition show and think that there won't be any drama... or... maybe that's exactly what the producers over at American Idol were hoping for all along.
On the show auditions, Tuesday night in Charlotte, North Carolina Nicki Minaj exploded at Mariah Carey telling her off with some foul language included.
"Get this s**t in control. Get in control. Every time you patronize me, I'm-ma take it back, and if you've got a f**king problem, handle it," says Minaj.
" I told them I'm not f**kin' putting up with her f**king highness over there. Figure it the f**k out. Figure it out," she rants.
"I'm not gonna sit here every f**king minute to have you come down and harass me every minute everyday, said Carey back to her.
Check out the video about, and you know there is bound to be more of these as the seasongoes on...
Mariah Carey just isn't the new judge on American Idol, she's also going to get paid quite a sum of cash to do it!
Mariah will earn about $18 million for just one season.
"Her deal is rumored to be just under $18 million for one year with an option to renew," a source familiar with the negotiation tells People.
As for how Mariah's deal stacks up against other singing show judges: Christina Aguilera will make about $10 million on the third season of The Voice. Howard Stern as a judge on America's Got Talent is being paid $15 million.