Relationship Advice From Our Resident Expert, Denise Shannon
I’m not sure how to handle this situation and hope you can help. My boyfriend and I have been dating exclusively for 5 months and things are good. For Christmas we spent the day with our families because that worked the best with our schedules. When we talked on the phone that night, “Charlie” mentions talking to a former girlfriend earlier that day!
I was so shocked and mad that I didn’t say anything, but it really bugs me that he would call her on a holiday and probably didn’t even mention that he has a girlfriend! I’m starting to wonder if he wants to dump me and get back together with her. I haven’t mentioned this to him because I am still mad and am worried I will say something I will regret. Any advice?
Do you make New Year’s resolutions? If so, you might want to include “don’t jump to conclusions too quickly” to the list! Seriously, I understand your concern about Charlie talking to a former girlfriend on a major holiday, but did you ever think that perhaps SHE initiated the phone call? You are assuming HE called her. You are also assuming that he didn’t discuss your relationship. And even worse, you are assuming that he now wants to dump you, even though things are “good” according to you. Have you heard the old saying about “when you assume you make an ass out of ‘u’ and me?”
Obviously the best time to have confronted Charlie would have been during the original phone conversation on Christmas. I think the fact that he mentioned talking to the “ex” is a positive sign. He wasn’t hiding it from you and probably felt that you would understand. He had no obligation to tell you about the call and certainly wouldn’t have if he had any idea of your reaction.
My suggestion is to take a deep breath and think about your relationship with Charlie. If it really is good, then count your lucky stars and move past this—it really sounds like a misunderstanding on your part. However, if the relationship is having problems, then you may need to talk about things in a broader context such as what “exclusive” means to each of you and then addressing the fact that you are uncomfortable with him communicating with past girlfriends. Just realize that whatever constraints you put on him, you should also abide by. I hope you will be able to work through this and start the new year on a good note.